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Henry Ford you can kiss my ass

October 31st, 2006

So with my new job I tend to have to drive to Charlotte a ton.. I think I have developed road rage..
Pretty much 6 hours a week of my time looks something along the lines of this..

Today (which is my 3rd trip to Charlotte in the last 3 business days) I was getting
really pissed at folks driving slow in the fast lane.. I thought how great it would really be to have my insult monkey.. If you aren’t familar with my
concept of an insult monkey it goes something like this..

Originally I talked about having a helper monkey much like that episode of friends.. Yeah
I just mentioned friends.. Don’t ask why I have seen that episode or show.. Anyway I figured a helper monkey could scribble notes on large pieces of paper
(sounds like Brak there eh?) and hold up signs to the drivers that I want to say something to.. This way I could be more effective than just staring
through them, or flippign them off.. I could say stuff more effective like:

“Bitch don’t flick your flithy cigarette butt litter at my


“Just cause your on your cell phone doesn’t mean you can drive 1/2 the speed limit”

I was driving back to Greensboro this
afternoon actually thinking about this blog and if I had any other great insults for irritating drivers.. I started to realize I had been driving too
much.. In about a month I have put 1200 miles on this company car.. Thats a ton of trips to Charlotte and back.. Low and behold i whip around a curve on
I85 after being on the interstate for maybe 5 minutes and I see a trooper just sitting there.. I look at my speedometer.. 85 mph.. There is no one around
me and I am in the fast lane.. Busted.. So now I got a second ticket.. Hopefully my first one will go away since it was for 44 in a 45 mile/hour zone, but
still I am pissed.. I have to go to court in Charlotte at the end of November.. It’s mandatory.. I guess cause I was going 23 miles over the posted speed
limit (I was ticketed as 83 in a 60).. Either way I hate the car.. I wonder what my car insurance will start to cost with this doosey on my record in a

My boss also called me on my way back to Greensboro and there may be some HR crap I have to deal with cause I got a ticket in a company
vehicle.. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a 2 tickets automatic termination policy anymore.. Maybe i’ll have to pee in a cup.. Who knows.. We shall

P.S. I swear my next blog will be about something more positive.. Like bacon.. Everyone loves bacon..

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